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Timing is important here as our responses may well be different depending on how recent the actual bereavement is, and also how close the person you meet is to you. ie a close friend, family member or just an acquaintance.

If you are dealing with a family member who has lost someone, then you too have lost someone and your response will be instinctive and from the heart, you are very likely to feel like hugging them and not needing to say anything much at all and this is just the right thing to do. An enfolding hug says much more than words and joins you together in more ways than one.

If the person bereaved is a close friend of yours, you may or may not have known the one who died. Again if appropriate, use the loving hug to say what is in you.

If you meet someone bereaved but they are not close to you, the way you react to them is still just as important as if they had been, naturally the hug is not appropriate, but words spoken are important. Do not try to avoid a meeting, on the street or elsewhere, this is a difficult moment no doubt, but it must be acknowledged that someone has died.

Say things like:

I just heard about Tom, I am so sorry.

Ask a few questions about what happened, people do need to talk and just listening to them will help a lot.

Ask how things are going, how are they coping?

Ask what you might be able to do for them, either now or in the coming weeks.

Things to avoid:

Please do keep your courage and never avoid meeting someone who is bereaved, it is so hurtful not to have the loss acknowledged even if all you do is express your condolences - such a formal word but it simply means saying something that shows you care.

When a baby is involved, keep well away from saying that they can soon have another, this is about the worst thing anyone can say, how can one baby or child be replaced with another?

When you meet don't be tempted to have a bright, chatty conversation to 'cheer them up' the loss has to be mentioned the first time you are together, do not duck it, this is really important. It only has to be a few words but they must be said.

Should you send a card? Yes and as soon as possible. Find something special, simple and stylish where you can write just a few words inside to convey your thoughts. Might I suggest a scented card would be a good choice with calming lavender or other flowers. See below for where to go for this.

Resources:

http://www.scentacard.com have stylish scented cards and will write and send them for you, so don't hesitate to go and have a look. If you feel a flower delivery is wanted too, then try http://www.bloomsofguernsey.com for inexpensive and very fresh ones.