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Whether you're for illegal immigration or against it, you have to admit it's getting harder and harder to ignore. And the solutions seem harder and harder to find. But they don't have to be. Just ask a Mexican official.

That revelation struck home when I happened to be in the Tijuana area. I was sitting at a café counter eating my colorful breakfast when I managed to strike up a conversation with the guy next to me.

Let's call him Señor Leroy.

Señor Leroy was a local official of some sort who spoke decent English -- which was a good thing since the last time I tried using my Spanish I think I asked someone about the best way to boil a screwdriver.

As you might have guessed, our meandering conversation found its way to illegal immigration. Señor Leroy's position was perfectly clear.

"What are you complaining about up there? Our people provide you with cheap labor, and you need it with the way you Americans, you baby boomers, are growing old," he said, looking at my gray hair.

"Our people invigorate yours," he continued. "We give you new blood. A shot in the arm. It's wonderful. You should count your blessings."

I was searching inside for some snappy reply I knew I didn't possess, when the thought struck.

"Okay. So what do you guys do about illegal immigration? You're an official. You should know about that sort of thing."

Señor Leroy blinked.

"Illegals? Here?"

"Yeah. Illegals here.

He sniffed. Cleared his throat. Looked rather grim. "It's different in our country, my friend," came his quiet reply.

"How so?"

He stared for a moment. "For one thing, immigrants have to prove they have the necessary funds to support themselves and their children. Otherwise they're turned back. That's Article 34, I think."

I interrupted. "Whoa! Un momento por favor."

That phrase means, "wait just a minute, please." I learned it on a Seinfeld episode. "You're saying you don't let outsiders in here if they don't have the money to provide for themselves?"

Señor Leroy stared back. "That's right. How much money do you have?"

My hand went to my wallet before I stopped. "I don't plan on staying long, thank you very much. What else is on your list?"

He didn't turn his frown upside down. "Then there's Article 37. That one says foreigners may be banned if they upset the equilibrium of the national demographics."

"Upset the what?"

"The equilibrium of the national demographics. We have a rich culture here. The last thing we want is a bunch of foreigners changing our way of life. Didn't they ever teach you about when Napoleon the Third invaded us?"

Actually I didn't realize Napoleon ever had kids or that any of them had anything to do with Mexico. "This is amazing. So what do you do when you catch people sneaking into Mexico?"

Señor Leroy kind of chuckled. "No problem. They're felons. We fine them, stick them in prison for two years. Article 123."

"Does it work?"

"Have you ever seen one of our prisons?"

I told him I hadn't had the privilege. "So is that about it?"

Leroy sighed. "No, there is a lot more. We won't let people stay here if they're not found physically or mentally healthy or didn't behave like good citizens in their own country. That's another part of Article 37."

I looked at my eggs. They stared back.

"Tell me something, Señor Leroy. Would you consider changing things around here and adopting our kinder and gentler US immigration laws?"

He looked me squarely in the eyes.

"Would you? •

Peter Giordano has been writing and ghostwriting for nearly twenty years now. Retained for long stretches and the recipient of many awards -- and with both design and direct response marketing experience -- Giordano has a long business-building track record. Visit www.TheGhostWriter.com for more details.