Article Noodle

With all the articles on women’s sexuality, one would assume that it’s no longer a mystery, but I still beg to differ. We all know of the erogenous zones and what’s been proven to arouse women. We hear about the different scents and foods that are so-called aphrodisiacs. We may have even heard about which positions are the best to reach that euphoric state associated with a woman’s orgasm and what time of the month usually works best. But, after four years of not being able to reach an orgasm due to an emotional and mental block that I put upon myself, I’m here to argue that no matter which position you put me in, no matter what time of the month you get me on, no matter where you take me, do to me, feed me or buy me, if I’m not in it mentally and/or emotionally, it’s just not happening.

Up until recently, I always thought that I was in full control of my orgasms, and to some degree, I was right. I know my body well enough to know what turns me on. I know where to touch, how soft, how hard and I don’t have a problem verbalizing it. I’ve always been open to accessories, everything from erotic toys to porn to threesomes. And, while I’ve always been able to turn myself on with something as simple and innocent as a thought, nothing and no one has ever made me reach an orgasm the way my current partner does.

I know that there are a lot of women out there who because of childhood traumas and in some cases religious beliefs, have never reached an orgasm and chances are, never will. For four years, I was in a relationship where my partner somehow associated sexual openness and freedom with promiscuity. I always knew this and that in combination with his inexperience and closed mindedness, I closed myself off to him – mentally, sexually and emotionally. For a good portion of my life, I came to find out, that was the case.

I grew up in a household where sex was freedom. While there was always some censoring, my parents were open about the issues that would send most other parents (me included) into a hysterical panic attack. I understood very early on that sex isn’t bad, it isn’t a sin. The emotions and physical pleasure associated with sex were never a problem. The problems with sex are the careless and irresponsible mentalities and actions associated with it. All along, the message that I got was that I wasn’t to repress my sexuality, but instead, embrace it while staying educated about diseases, pregnancy and the taboos associated with sex.

Discovering my body and what made me “tingle” was never a bad thing. I discovered masturbation very early on in my life (in comparison to most others my age at the time) and sex toys weren’t too far behind. I became addicted to the way a vibrator felt against my skin, especially against my erogenous zones and I quickly began to realize that I was in full control of my own body. I didn’t have to rely on a man to make me feel good, and if I had sex, I was always confident enough to let him know where to touch and how to do it.

Being in touch with your own body and “hot spots” is key, but being in touch with your emotions and finding mental comfort when you’re in those moments is even more important. My partner “loves” how “in touch” I am with myself. As a result, I’m turned on more than I’ve ever been before when I’m with him. He allows me to express my sexuality, welcomes my inhibitions and entertains my fantastical imagination.

Although I don’t believe we need accessories, we’ve talked about bringing sex toys into our intimate moments. I suppose for him, it would be an intensely arousing scene to see his girlfriend masturbate with props, but either way, the idea that he’s open to that is exciting considering that most other men are threatened by the idea of it.

While introducing sex toys to any relationship can be a bit intimidating, it can also be a great lesson for both parties, not to mention erotic. These intimate moments can open up a line of communication that may have never been available before and they will certainly create a bond that only the both of you can share. Likewise, if you’re simply looking to discover your own sexuality without a partner, toys are a great way of getting to know yourself a little better. In the end, that will benefit you and your future relationships.

Choosing the right toy can be challenging, so do some research on which products are good quality depending on what you’re looking for. I personally love Lelo products. Everything from their packaging to their functionality are quite an amazing experience and I highly recommend starting out with one of their products, but again, shop around and make an educated decision. Online shopping can be a good idea if you’re shy about shopping for sex related items. A good majority of the online shops package their items in very discreet packaging and your identity is always protected.

If you’re considering expanding on new ways to enhance your sex life, I welcome you to the club. Releasing your inhibitions is the first step, the rest will come naturally.